Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki as that is the providence of Kazuya Minekura, ISSAISHA, TOKYOPOP & ADV.
Notes: Yes, this was another Pizza Hut Challenge from Ladybug Oblivion. (You can kinda tell, what with it being based on a fairytale an' all.)
The words maintained a litany, a mantra of damnation. It was a promise not a threat like so many others and Sha Gojyo was royally screwed. Damn Sanzo and his damn stupid demands. Carry a ball of solid gold from the Temple of the Rising Sun to the Temple of the Setting Sun without allowing a shadow to fall upon its surface. Never you mind the endless bandits and wild beasts. Forget the fact that the thing weighed a thousand pounds, easy. What kind of messed up priestly crap was that?
But now, the ball sat at the very bottom of a pond, depth unknown, as a result of said bandits attacking. The only indication that Gojyo hadn't completely fucked up his mission was a tiny glint of gold far, far below the water's surface.
The kappa squatted along the shore, peering through the crystal water. He tapped out a cigarette for wont of anything more productive to do. It was down too deep and water really, really wasn't Gojyo's thing. In fact, he was pretty damn sure that water plus Gojyo equaled death. Death was another of those funny little things he tried to avoid. Fancy that.
"Pardon me," came a clear voice, "But you seem to have a bit of a problem. Is there anything I can help you with?"
Gojyo's head snapped around seeking the speaker. Left side, clear of people, right side, also clear. He craned around looking above his shoulder. Nothing. The search only confirmed that he was alone. So where the hell did-
"Down here," said the voice. Gojyo's gaze followed the voice almost straight down to the edge of the water. A lone frog sat, smiling at him with a closed-eyed smirk. "That's right. I'm afraid I'm the frog."
The kappa stared gape-jawed for a second, cigarette slipping from his lips before a burning on his leg woke him from his stupor. He patted out the cigarette searing his flesh in a frantic series of slaps that left him on his butt leaning away from the frog.
"I'm sorry," apologized the frog in a tone of slightly pleasant concern. "I didn't mean to scare you. You're not hurt, are you?"
"No, I-" began Gojyo before stopping himself. He gave the frog a hard stare. It grinned up at him, raised a front foot and wiggled its toes in the approximation of a girly-wave. "Listen, buddy," he called out, "I don't know who you are or what you want, but I'm not falling for the talking frog routine. Now, get your ass out here and face me like a man."
"Unfortunately, there's no one else here. I really am a talking frog. I would face you like a man if I could."
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
The guy was good, whoever he was and that was one hell of a well trained frog. Gojyo didn't even know that a frog could be trained. "Okay, so Frog-"
"Hakkai," supplied the frog.
"Hakkai?"
"Cho Hakkai."
"So, you want me to call the damn frog by name? What's with you man?" He reached into his pocket for the reassuring feel of plastic. "Damn, I need a cigarette," he mumbled as he located the pack and lighter.
"Be my guest. Don't mind me."
"Right. Don't mind the frog." He lit the cig and took a long drag. "Okay, so Hakkai, what do you want?"
"World peace would be nice, even though it's highly improbable. How about you? Why are you just sitting here, looking lost?"
"I am not."
"Pardon me. My mistake, but there is obviously a reason you're sitting here. If you tell me maybe I can help."
"Trust me, frog. There's nothing you can do." He took another puff and blew the smoke out in a long tendril. "I'm as screwed as screwed can be and not in the good way, either."
"If you don't tell me, how can you possibly know that I cannot help? You didn't know that I could talk until a few moments ago."
Point. Not much of a point but a point none the merrier and he was talking to the stupid thing. What could it hurt? "Well, you're a frog so you weigh, what, a few ounces at most?"
Hakkai nodded.
"Alright then, Lightweight, here's my problem." He leaned back, closing his eyes and basking in the flavor of his cancer stick. "I dropped a thousand-plus pound golden ball into the water. It's way down there and I'm way up here and enjoying the air I'm breathing. I need to get that ball to the Temple of the Setting Sun before the sun sets or I'll die a million painful deaths at the hands of an overzealous Buddhist Priest. Is my life complicated enough for ya, or what?"
"Indeed," agreed Hakkai, turning to face the pond depths. "Is it that shiny spot down there?"
Gojyo didn't even bother to look. "Yup, that would be it."
"One golden ball coming up," stated the frog before a loud splash blew Gojyo's eyelids open.
He scrambled to his knees to find Hakkai diving for the bottom. In mere moments, the frog was back at the surface, rolling a huge gold ball up onto the bank.
"Holy shit," Gojyo couldn't help but exclaim as Hakkai climbed out next to the prize. "How the hell..."
"I am not a normal frog." He grinned.
"No shit, Sherlock. Could've fooled me."
"Since I have done this for you, do you mind if I ask a favor?"
You never get anything for free, why should frogs be any different? "Let's just get things straight, right now, if you want me to kiss you, the damn ball goes back into the water and I'll personally sign off on my death sentence."
Hakkai was silent for a moment, as if he were actually considering asking for that as a reward and had to come up with an alternate plan. "Not at all. I would just like to accompany you on your journey."
Gojyo didn't like that moment of Zen one bit. Images of slimy frog lips attacking him in his sleep frolicked wantonly through his brain. He shuttered, shaking off the imagined feel of those fishy, gooey, eww. "Why would you want to come with me?"
"In case you haven't noticed, it's quite dull around here and I'm a frog of adventure."
Gojyo checked the position of the sun. "Alright, just move your butt, Greenie. We're burning daylight."