Disclaimer: Many organizations have come together to bring you this fanficiton fusion. Among them are: Bandai, Sunrise & Sotsu with Gundam Wing. Hans Christian Andersen and Disney with The Little Mermaid. Douglas Adams with A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Hiro Mashima, Kodansha and TOKYOPOP with Rave Master. PIXAR with Finding Nemo. Satoru Akahori, Ray Omishi, Media Works, Mixx Entertainment & ADV with Sorcerer Hunters. ROBOT, JFN, STEP, A.T. Interactive, AIC & VIZ Video with Trouble Chocolate. Rikdo Koshi, SHONENGAHOSHA & ADV with Excel Saga. You Hyun, DAIWAN & TOKYOPOP with Faerie's Landing. Yoko Matsushita, Hakusensha & VIZ for Yami no Matsuei. Kazuya Minekura, ISSAISHA, TOKYOPOP Inc., & ADV with Saiyuki. Yuu Watase, SHOGAKUKAN, VIZ & Pioneer with Fushigi Yuugi. 95.5 fm Detroit for Tic Tac and the Hot Girl Check In. And Ladybug Oblivion for forcing the project on me, denying me TV time, video game time, eating time (apparently I can type with one hand) and sleeping time until the thing was finished.
Warnings: Gratuitous cameo appearances (as you can see from the extensive disclaimer), numerous (and quite unnecessary) quotes, and minor character bashing (including but not limited to Quatre, Catherine, Hilde and most especially Relena.) Shonen-ai.
"But where will you go?"
The merman flung around to the source of the voice, his defenses kicked on instinctually. A figure detached from a pile of airplane parts. The new arrival was that of an eel with the torso of a woman.
She gave a respectful bow. "I'm Hilde, Your Highness and this is my sister, Catherine."
Another eel-woman broke away from the surroundings. The first was a slight brunette, almost delicate in everything but her demeanor. The second was a redhead and had the personality to match. "Prince Shinigami," Catherine greeted with only a nod.
"Duo's fine," replied the prince. He wasn't concerned with how they'd gotten in his haven. His mother had seen to it that Duo would never be able to use the Emporium as a secret base again by destroying its very walls. She had even gone so far as to have a demolition order written up for the next day. Maxwell Church's Crazy Emporium of Insane Deals was living its last day. What he was concerned with was their motive. "What do you want?"
"Don't be so defensive," snapped the redhead. "We're here to help."
Duo swallowed a choke. "Help? What makes you think I need your help?"
Hilde gave a tiny smile. "I repeat my earlier question. Where will you go?"
Duo held his tongue. The truth was he didn't know where to go. He just knew he had to get away; away from his mother, away from his torn home, away from-
"Why not go up?"
He wasn't sure which of the girls had spoken, nor did he care. Up? To the surface world?
"To the human world. Your mother couldn't follow you there. She wouldn't destroy everything you hold dear up there."
That's true. She couldn't.
"She wouldn't even know where to look."
"You'd be a lost prince."
Lost prince?
"Surely something up there would peak your interest considering your little collection here."
Interest?
"But maybe we're wrong, sister. Perhaps the human world doesn't appeal to Prince Duo."
"That can't be true, can it?"
They were both quiet for a moment. "Pity."
He looked up to catch their retreating backs. "Wait." It was barely above a whisper, but the eel-women turned to face him. "How does this... help... work?"
"Relena has great powers," they chanted in unison.
"Relena?" Duo felt his eyes go wide. "The Sea Hag?"
Hilde gave a single nod.
"Didn't she, like, go insane and was exiled from Atlantica? I heard she was a wack-a-doo with serious violent tendencies."
Catherine spluttered, but Hilde caught a handful of her sister's hair, pulling the taller eel to a halt. "False accusations, I assure you, Your Highness. Relena is a Peacecraft after all. She lives only to make others happy. You'll see once you meet her."
The Sea Hag's current residence was a pink coral wreathed, pink-granite cave-like building. Okay, it was a pink structure in the shape of a teddy bear head and the entrance was the bear's slightly gaping jaw.
"Oi, this girl needs to fire her interior decorator," Duo mumbled quietly enough that neither of the eels could hear him and then, "Wack-a-doo," slipped out as he followed the girls down the teddy bear tongue carpet and into a huge, nearly spherical room. This was where they abandoned him.
The merman blinked into the dark room, trying to will his eyes to see a color other than pink.
"We mustn't lurk in doorways, m'boy. It's rude." The walls began to glow softly, illuminating a young girl octopus.
She looked normal enough; pleasant face, long, wheat-colored hair, light blue eyes. "Relena?"
"Yes, yes," she agreed, waving him closer. "Come, let's get a good look at you."
Well, he was already here. Why not? He swam up to her.
She looped around him once in an almost predatory fashion, her tentacles brushing across his chest. "Ooh. Yes. I see now."
"See what?" he managed, suppressing a shiver from the contact.
She placed two fingers below his chin. "You are a pretty one, aren't you?"
"Boys aren't pretty," Duo was compelled to object.
She stared deep into his eyes for a second before patting him on the cheek and slipping away. "Keep telling yourself that, Beautiful. Anyway, let's get down to business." She tossed her hair, crossed her arms and then faced him. "You're here because you've got a thing for this human? This prince fellow?"
"Eh!?!" Duo squeaked, a blush tinting his cheeks.
Relena giggled in delight. "Pretty and shy. What a combination. I'll take that as a 'yes.'" A finger touched her lips. "Your secret's safe with me. I won't tell a soul. I'm here to help you, remember."
Duo couldn't argue with her. Duo would never tell a lie; not to anyone, not even himself. He was in love with Heero. "What's the catch?"
"No catch." Relena's look clearly presented her offended status. "Do you think me a con artist?"
The prince reworded his question. "What do you get out of this little deal?"
"Why, satisfaction in a good deed done." She tapped her teeth. "But you're right. I do need some form of payment. Don't worry about the cost, angel eyes, it'll merely be a trinket, a trifle to remember you by."
"Which is?" he prodded.
"What I want is..." She swept in, lips grazing his ear. "Your voice."
"My-" His voice cracked and he had to start over. "My voice?"
"Yes."
"What's the deal, exactly?"
A half smile crept onto Relena's lips. "I'll make you a potion to turn you human for three days." She tapped his forehead and then held up three fingers to demonstrate. "Before the sun sets on the third day, you've got to get Ol' Princey to kiss you. But not just any kiss; it must be the kiss of True Love. If you do, you'll remain human permanently and live your happily ever after, but if you don't..." She shook her head slowly, closing her hand into a loose fist. "If you don't, you'll turn back into a Merman and your prize will belong to me."
Duo choked. "You want Heero?"
"Want?" She shook her head again. "No, Sweetie, not want. That's just how these things work. A failed spell has a tendency to backlash. If you fail, it's out of my hands."
"Don't you mean tentacles?"
Relena shot him an indignant look. "Baka! Do you want my help or not?"
Did he? Yes, he did. "Take my voice. I don't really need it anyway, right?"
"Right." Her anger dissolved. "Now, if you'll just sign here." She produced a contract from thin air and handed him a fluffy pink quill.
"You don't mind if I just peruse that before giving it the ol' John Hancock, do you?"
The girl swallowed hard, licked her lips and gave a strained smile before handing over the document. "Of course not. Be my guest."
"Yadda, yadda, yadda of the aforementioned... Uh huh. ...undersigned is responsible for... Okay. The contractor must... Yup. ...for the payment of one (1) voice." The merman caught the octopus' eye. "This seems all in order, Miss Peacecraft."
"Of course," she agreed shoving the quill at him.
"Of course," he repeated. "Well then, nothing left to do, but sign the thing, right? Right. Okay..." He took the pen. "Well, voice, it's been a ride, a long road of trials and difficulties, training and building, and endless sessions with the Music Man and-"
Relena snapped. "Just sign it already!"
Duo winked at her. "Right. Here goes nothing." The tip of the pen touched the paper. "This isn't pink ink is it? 'Cause I'm gonna have to insist on black."
"Oh, for Neptune's sake! Just sign the bloody document!"
"Woah, calm down, princess. I'm on it." He scribbled. "Duo 'Maxwell' Triton." He stared at his signature for a second. "I just knew it was gonna be pink. Gag me!"
"With pleasure," said the Sea Hag, wrapping both hands around his throat. "Now, sing!"
"Ow. That's delicate flesh you're abusing there."
"Sing," she repeated, relieving some of the pressure, "Please?"
"Um..."
"What now?"
"I'm thinking. My mind's gone blank. Not one song."
Her grip faltered. "You're really ruining my moment, you know that, don't you?"
"Sorry. Um... Okay, I've got one. Go for it."
The hands closed around the soft neck again. "Now, sing!"
"Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener. That is what I truly want to be-e-e. 'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, everyone would be in love with me!" He held the last note until his face turned blue.
"I hate you so much," the Sea Hag muttered as her fingers slid through the flesh and pulled out the glowing ball of Duo's voice, quickly stuffing it in a seashell.
Duo stared in rapt fascination as Relena flew about the room, snatching up bottles of liquids and vials of solids and then mixed them all together in an actual caldron. She uttered not a word, but at one point the bubbling concoction exploded into a green and yellow vapor. She dipped a ladle into what remained of the mixture and then curled a finger at him.
He approached and downed the entire ladleful of the vile fluid. It tasted like cotton candy...
For all of a half a second. After that it was more like molten lava, straight from the Earth's Core, oozing its way through Duo veins. Something was shoved down his throat, cutting off his breathing and just before he passed out, he felt something latch on to his arms.