A/N: This is a joint Pizza Hut Challenge of Ladybug Oblivion and Rally, conceived in a day not in Pizza Hut but in Panera Bread, T.G.I. Friday's and in a brief bout before the movie at MJR Theater.
Disclaimer/Warnings: We don't own, nor will we ever own Mobile Suit Gundam Wing or any of its characters. They are owned by Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency. We also don't own the cursed springs Jusenkyo of Ranma 1/2. Rumiko Takahashi does. Pairings are completely a secret until a later date. There will be no spoilers or intentional character bashing, but there will be some violence, a little shonen-ai (which means boys kissing boys so, if you don't like that take a hike!), a dash of OOC-ness, a lot of AU-ness, potentially a ton of humor and a likable Relena (you heard me!). And yes, it's based on Swan Lake. That's Lady O's fault. The Relena thing is Rally's.
One of the fighters Heero recognized as the young man who'd shoved Relena into the trough. The other was a complete unknown. The unknown was a slight figure striking with hard precision in graceful moves that encompassed the entirety of the battlefield. The graceful warrior let a kick fly and Heero could almost hear the crack of connection, but the other had dodged it with almost inhuman speed, stepping to one side and tapping the unknown twice on the shoulder. Heero felt an eyebrow rise.
"Listen, Wuwu..." the young man began, before being forced to dodge another kick and then a punch. "We have guests," he finished, simply leaning out of the way of the next punch and hopping over the next kick. Heero's other eyebrow joined the first.
It was the most beautiful thing Heero had ever seen. The young man seemed to anticipate and was ready with an appropriate response for every move his opponent made. This was what he had been trying to teach Relena since he'd taken over for her sword instructor and he hoped she was paying close attention.
"Can't we pick this up later," continued the man through various dodgings. "Alright, fine then." This time he didn't dodge the punch, he caught it and then turned his opponent to face Relena. "Wuffles, Girl-I-Knocked-Into, Girl-I-Knocked-Into, Wuffles." His opponent wrenched his fist free and launched a kick. The man caught the kick and the sneak attack punch following it and then turned his opponent, once again, this time to face Heero. "Draggy, Guy-With-Girl-I-Knocked-Into, Guy-With-Girl-I-Knocked-Into, Draggy."
This elicited a non-physical response out of the graceful warrior. "Don't call me 'Draggy,' Maxwell!"
"Don't call me 'Maxwell,' Draggy!" replied the other, in kind and Maxwell proceeded to rub salt in the proverbial wound by sticking out his tongue, pulling down the bottom of his right eye and asking, "If not 'Draggy' then how 'bout 'Tweety?'"
The response was instantaneous and loud. Wuffles—Heero had mentally deemed this tag the least likely to be offensive—had convulsed into a frenzy of action. This round most of his attacks were landing but the Maxwell fellow seemed to be holding up quite well, as he had only let out a couple of grunts and moans to reveal his pain. The battle raged on for a couple of minutes more before Maxwell began making obscene comments in-between the grunts and drawn out moans.
After a slap to the face, "You know, your caresses always make me hot." Wuffles launched a particularly hard kick to the solar plexus, only to have his foot caught and then fondled by Maxwell. "Let me leave a trail of kisses to your impassioned glory." Wuffles ruthlessly tore his foot to freedom and gave Maxwell an appalled glare with a hint of terror. "Hmm... Guess not." Wuffles pulled himself out of his stupor and broke into an attack that seized Maxwell's braid and had his right arm twisted up around his back, "This could work." Maxwell licked Wuffles' cheek. "I knew you liked it rough, but I never dreamed of bond—" That sentence was never finished as Wuffles had shoved Maxwell away as if he'd been burned, rubbed the slobber off of his face and stalked off into the undergrowth.
"Ha!" Maxwell laughed as he turned to Heero and Relena. "That never fails to stop him."
Neither of them replied, but Heero noticed that Relena had taken on a slightly flushed coloring.
"Right then," said Maxwell brushing off his clothes. "I'm Duo and welcome to my humble abode." He bowed low to Relena. "Please accept my deepest apologies. If you'd follow me, I can make sure you get a hot bath, a hot meal and a decent night's sleep."
"Thank you," replied Heero from her left, his monotone revealing nothing of how that nasty scene affected him. "Relena?"
Unwilling to trust her voice, Relena merely nodded. The rogue-turned-host—Relena still wasn't sure exactly how that came about—lead them deeper into the forest, which the princess had only just realized was the so-called "Forest of the Lost" and some of the Barkeep's words from that afternoon returned. "Isn't there supposed to be a lake somewhere around here? I really am too disgusting to enter a proper dwelling. I could wash up in the lake first, if it's not too much trouble."
"Ah," replied Duo. "That's not a very good idea."
"Why not?" asked Heero.
Relena gave a short burst of laughter. "Please don't tell me you buy into that whole, ogres-trapping-water-goddesses-in-the-lake thing. My opinion of you would be completely ruined."
This time Duo laughed. "Not five minutes ago, you promised to kill me and I'm supposed to be worried about my reputation?"
"A lady is entitled to change her mind and I'm quite good at it."
"Consider yourself lucky to be alive," provided Heero with a nod of admiration. "She's nearly impossible to stop when she's in that state."
Duo gave Relena an appraising, yet respectful, inspection. "I guess I'll have to thank Wu-bear for saving my life then, which I'm sure he'll enjoy immensely. It should be entertaining. I think I'll try it over supper. Feel free to watch."
After Duo's little show of proper skills for ending the fight, she was damned sure that she didn't want to watch. So, she tried to tactfully side track the conversation to a cleaner discussion. "Well then, how about that wash."
Duo stopped and turned to his guests. "Is very bad idea," he said in a fake Shenlong accent. "That is one of Curséd Spring Jusenkyo. That is Hóngneechuan: Spring of Drowned Swan. Very tragic story of swan that drown in the spring over three-thousand-five-hundred year ago. If you fall in you take on body of swan.
"You've got to be kidding me," she muttered.
"All the same," Duo sing-songed, dropping the accent and shaking his index finger in time with the melody, "I wouldn't try it if I were you."
"God save me from bumpkins and their damn legends!"
Duo merely smiled again and continued leading them to the promised "hot bath, hot meal and a decent night's sleep" in the form of the remains of an ancient stone castle. "Welcome to Casa Maxwell!"
Well, the stories had the forest, the lake and the ruins parts right, but so far there wasn't a damn thing possessed, haunted or enchanted about any of them. Damn waste of time.
To be continued...