Disclaimer: Satoru Akahori, Ray Omishi, Media Works, Mixx & ADV have the rights to Sorcerer Hunters and Sorcerer on the Rocks (a.k.a. Chivas 1-2-3). The plot is based on a variety of fairy tales. I wish I owned Potato Chips since he's one of the funniest characters I've encountered in anime but I don't; just get rid of Jeeves and he becomes squeezable--perverted still, but squeezable. I own only the story text and concept.
"ow..." Squeezing shut his eyes, he slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, one leg bent under the other. "...the hell happened last night? Yo, Carrot?" He waited a moment, but there was no response. "Carrot?" Yet again, nothing.
Gateau seeped one eye open the merest of slits, to find his surroundings had changed considerably from when he went to sleep. The forest of rose vines had been replaced by a field of wheat and he was sleeping in the dead center of a crop circle not entirely unlike the one he had pressed down in the roses the night before. Also, there were funny little stoppered gourds strewn about the circle. He reached over, unstoppered one and took a sniff. Alcohol. "Well, that explains the hangover," he mumbled then took a swig.
The entire night came back to him in a blast.
"Welladay!! Welladay, kind traveller!" he was greeted by a tiny little man with big pointy ears.
"O' course you're welcome into our circle for the night," this from a shrivled little woman.
He had looked around to find the rose jungle and his friend gone. "Where's Carrot?"
"Ah, the randy fellow? Don' ye mind 'im," said the woman. "'e's sleepin' good as new back where ye left 'im. Now, come on ova 'ave sommat t'drink." She shoved a yellowish gourd into Gateau's unwilling hand. "M'name's Gin Namba and this 'ere's m'husband Cashew Price."
"Pleasure, sir." The old man, whisked off his hat and bowed to the ground.
"uh... Gateau Mocha."
"Mocha, eh? Well, then, drink up, Masta Mocha! Ye don' want the night ta go ta waste, do ye?" asked Gin while her husband, grin-faced, mimicked drinking from the gourd three or four times. They kind of froze, waiting for him to comply.
Gateau popped the cork and took a tiny sip. It was good. No, not just good. It was GOOOOD. It was wonderful. It was the best drink he'd ever tasted and he couldn't get enough. The first gourdfull was gone in under a minute.
The old couple smiled at their visitor. "Yummy, eh?" Gateau nodded, holding the bottle out for a refill. "Now, now. Plenty o' tha' where this 'un came from. How 'bout a game?"
A game? Why not? Gateau nodded.
The game that Cashew spoke of was a silly game where a ball was used to knock down empty gourds. The game started out with the single gourd Gateau had emptied. Once that had been tipped, the winner got to empty the next full gourd and so on till everyone was so drunk they either fell asleep or ran out into the wheat screaming that they were a purple-bellied, horny orangutan.
"Oh... yeah..." Gateau inspected his hands and stomach. Nothing was purple. "Thank god!"
"You're gonna need to do more than just THANK your god to get out of this one, wheat-thief!" came a voice.
"Huh?!"
A poof of yellow smoke rose up from the edge of the crop circle. From the smoke emerged a white-haired man holding a chain leash with a rather pretty young girl attatched to the other end. They were both trailed by a cute, green-haired girl and a tall swordsman.
Greenie giggled. "Oooh, he's cute, master. Can we keep him?"
"Kiss!! Shame on you!" cried Leashy. "He is a human being, not a dog. I can't believe you'd-"
"Shut up, Fizz!" snapped the leader yanking back on the leash. "You," he pointed to Gateau. "Whaddya mean, 'huh?!'? I called you a wheat-thief, wheat-thief! How dare you take wheat from my field!?!"
"But, I didn't," Gateau managed, still unsure of what exactly was going on.
"Don't lie to me! Just look at this field! Broken stalks. Whole circular fields of missing wheat!"
"But, master," began Fizz, "the wheat has just been trampled down. Nobody stole any of it."
The leader turned on the girl. "What have I told you about speaking, in general, Fizz?"
Fizz rolled her eyes. "Don't," she replied.
"Good. Now, just follow my orders and shut the hell up!"
"Excuse me," interrupted Gateau, "but, who are you people?"
"He wants to know who we are, that's just too adorable!" Kiss grabbed a hold of her master's arm. "Are you sure we can't keep him, master?"
"Kiss!" yelled Fizz as her master cried, "No! Now, everyone, shut the hell up!!"
Everyone fell silent for a moment. "Now, you!" He pointed dramatically at Gateau. "Where is it?"
"Where is what?" asked Gateau, pushing himself to his unsteady feet. "And do you mind keeping it down a bit? My head's about to split."
The leader stared blankly back for a moment. All three of his companions took a step away from him, even the girl who was teathered to him. The blank stare froze over. "Are you telling me to shut up?" came the icy reply. "Are you telling me, Shibas Scotch, to keep it down? Are you, wheat-thief?" His voice never rose in volume, but somehow the menace just grew with each word.
"No," said Gateau, as reasonably as he could manage. "I just asked if you would mind. I had a little too much to drink last night and I'm sure y'know how hangovers make your head feel."
"You got that right!" blurted Kiss.
"Kiss?!"
"Sorry, master."
"He's right, master," said Fizz. "It wouldn't hurt to just use a normal tone of voice once in a while."
"Fizz, this is my normal tone of voice and didn't I already tell you to shut the hell up?!!"
"Yes, master! So sorry, master!"
"Uh... Can we get on with this?" This from Gateau, who was looking rather confident now that he'd convinced his stomach and feet which direction was up. "Now, where is what?"
Shibas reeled toward the muscleman. "Where is what?!! Where is all the wheat you stole from me, that's what?!"
The voice nearly shattered Gateau's skull, but he avoided swaying against the words. "I didn't take your stupid wheat."
"Oh, you didn't, didn't you?"
"No, I didn't."
"No, he didn't." This was from the swordsman who had managed to get around behind Gateau sometime during the confusion. "Master, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but he really didn't." He handed a stalk to his master. "Looks like Gin and Grand-pa's work again."
Shibas flinched. "I hate those old little freaks!"