Disclaimer: Many organizations have come together to bring you this fanficiton fusion. Among them are: Bandai, Sunrise & Sotsu with Gundam Wing. Hans Christian Andersen and Disney with The Little Mermaid. Douglas Adams with A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Hiro Mashima, Kodansha and TOKYOPOP with Rave Master. PIXAR with Finding Nemo. Satoru Akahori, Ray Omishi, Media Works, Mixx Entertainment & ADV with Sorcerer Hunters. ROBOT, JFN, STEP, A.T. Interactive, AIC & VIZ Video with Trouble Chocolate. Rikdo Koshi, SHONENGAHOSHA & ADV with Excel Saga. You Hyun, DAIWAN & TOKYOPOP with Faerie's Landing. Yoko Matsushita, Hakusensha & VIZ for Yami no Matsuei. Kazuya Minekura, ISSAISHA, TOKYOPOP Inc., & ADV with Saiyuki. Yuu Watase, SHOGAKUKAN, VIZ & Pioneer with Fushigi Yuugi. 95.5 fm Detroit for Tic Tac and the Hot Girl Check In. And Ladybug Oblivion for forcing the project on me, denying me TV time, video game time, eating time (apparently I can type with one hand) and sleeping time until the thing was finished.
Warnings: Gratuitous cameo appearances (as you can see from the extensive disclaimer), numerous (and quite unnecessary) quotes, and minor character bashing (including but not limited to Quatre, Catherine, Hilde and most especially Relena.) Shonen-ai.
Lucrezia Noin picked her way across the stifling deck to the prince's side. "We're all set, Your Highness. Sally's got everything covered."
"Then, let's begin." He nodded to the Four String Quartet and a melody welled up, seemingly from out of the sound of the waves.
All eyes fell aft ward onto the black and white image of the blushing bride. Her stride was slow, but unhesitant and as she looked ahead to her future husband haloed by the setting sun, she smiled with a satisfied glow. As she approached the end of the aisle, she reached out a hand and Heero grasped it tightly.
As usual, there was no expression on the prince's face, just his typical bored stare. The couple turned to the curtain-enshrouded altar.
"Puun." Plue looked pleadingly up to his master, holding out to him a half-eaten sucker. The prince briefly leaned down, plucked the candy from the dog's paws and chucked it into the ocean. The bride assisted her groom by kicking the shivering little thing well off to the side before reestablishing eye contact with her partner.
The curtains around the altar fell away to reveal the form of a black-clad, braided Duo. He smiled at the guests.
The Sea Hag turned to the human prince. "Darling, get rid of that. I don't like it."
Heero replied in a monotone, "Mission Accepted." He took a step forward.
Shi~it! Okay, this, Duo hadn't quite planned on. His arms came up to stave off a blow and he was forced to duck below a second blow in less than half a second. He managed to avoid a nasty kick, but couldn't prevent a third punch from glancing the left side of his face. He twisted, but that only succeeded in supporting Heero's knee in connecting with his stomach. As he fell to the deck, the slow-motion of half consciousness kicked in and he saw Plue embed his horn-like nose square in the center of Relena's right buttock. Her pain-enraged shriek rang out.
And then he was sure he had passed completely out for the scene before him broke into a bedlam that could only be a product of his subconscious mind. His sisters had somehow gotten onboard and were beating the crap out of the flailing Sea Hag. Chocolate, Tira, Medea and Fanta had her bound and they took turns slapping the bride. Hinano and Excel stood back, but were in a screaming war over who could lecture the deranged octopus in the loudest voice.
Duo blinked three times but the sight didn't clear, so he shook his head to relieve some of the haze and had a split second to roll out of the way of Heero's descending heel. The roll left him facing the gruesome scene with Relena again, only this time Wufei had his hand down the front of her dress.
No really, what the hell was going on? Something smashed into his back, hard. Shit, he'd forgotten about Heero again.
He rolled into the prince's legs, knocking them out from under him and then sprung up, pinning Heero to the deck with his own body weight.
"Maxwell?" Duo dared a glance at Wufei. The seagull held a large sea shell in his hand before flinging it onto the deck hard enough to break it. It exploded in a flash of sound, a small ball of light escaping.
A disembodied voice rose up in song. "Oh, I wish I were and Oscar Mayer wiener! That is what I truly want to be! 'Cause if I were and Oscar Mayer wiener, everyone would be in love with me!" During the course of the verse the ball of light had swept across the deck to its rightful owner and left Duo singing the last note.
Heero's body jerked below Duo and Duo released his grip on Heero's wrists, leaning back onto the prince's knees. Heero's sapphire eyes welded themselves to Duo's face. "Duo?" Fingers came up to ghost over Duo's swollen cheek and despite the pain, Duo leaned into that touch. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, Heero," he breathed, turning his mouth into the palm of Heero's hand. "I'm sorry, too."
"He~ero!" Relena's cry was as spoiled as always. "Don't listen to him! He's-" She gagged against the cloth Excel stuffed into her mouth.
Heero's hand snaked around to the back of Duo's skull and he pulled Duo down on top of him again. "Let me apologize. Please?"
Duo couldn't resist a smile. "Anything you want."
Heero smiled back with a radiance fit to shame the sun and brought his face up to Duo's. Their lips had just touched when Duo's lower body exploded into a tantrum of pain. He fell to the side of his love, writhing on the deck boards. The sun had set and his fin was back. He had failed.
"Ha!" The Sea Hag had broken free of her captors by reverting to her octopus form. "It's too late! You're too late, you fool!"
She barreled over the deck, sweeping aside everything in her path and clamping onto Duo's arm. "Don't worry, lover," she shot at Heero, blowing him a kiss. "I've just a few legalities to clear up and I'll be back for you."
Duo thrashed in her grip. "Like hell you will, you bitch! Stay away from him!" He didn't get anything else out before Relena threw them both over the side of the barge.
Noin took a step back from the stony look in her prince's eye. "There aren't any on this ship, Your Highness."
A noble Chinese youth approached the prince and then bowed low. "May I suggest that you borrow mine?"
"What are you talking about?" Noin waved him up. "Who are you?"
The youth ignored the woman over the prince. "It is your only choice if you wish to save him and yourself."
"But, there are no suits on board. I've already told you!"
"Turn around." The order was given in a tone that brooked no resistance.
Heero and Noin obeyed, turning to face the bow of the ship. Noin's jaw dropped. Heero's expression hardened into diamond determination. On the bow of the wedding barge, where no one could have possibly missed it, stood a beautiful Gundam.
"Nataku," supplied the Chinaman. "And do not for a moment believe that I would allow anyone to touch her if they were not worthy."
The prince faced his new ally. "Then, why?"
"There is no time for questions. Just go. Now."
Heero didn't need a second invitation. He launched himself into the cockpit and Nataku plunged into the sea.
Duo twisted, thrashed and pulled against her grip to no avail. It was as if all his strength had abandoned him. "But you cheated!" It sounded petty. Hell, he knew it sounded petty and really, he'd lost his illusion of fair play long ago, but he just couldn't resist the truth of the words.
It did have the effect of pulling the Sea Hag up short. She dug her fingers into his opposite arm as well, eyes narrowing to mere slits. "Heero is mine. He was mine from the beginning and if your mother hadn't interfered he'd be with me right now. So, don't you tell me I'm cheating," her eyes grew even more narrow and she shook him for emphasis, "When I'm only recovering what already belongs to me, boy."
"Relena, stop." The Sea Queen arrived, Trowa shadowing her like a sentinel.
Relena relieved the clamp on one arm only. "Ah, Lady Une. How delightful."
"Let go of my son." The queen banged her staff on the ocean floor, igniting its blade.
"Not a chance, Annie." She produced the contract. "We had a deal."
"That contract is not legal. Now, release him."
"It's not?" squeaked Duo, hope rising in is chest.
"Of course it is," soothed Relena. "It's perfectly legal and binding."
"Duo is only sixteen. He will not be a legal adult until he is eighteen."
"Damn strait! You tell 'er Mom!" The fingers on his arm squeezed harder.
"You forget, you silly woman," Relena scoffed, "This is a fairytale and in fairytales the legal age is always sixteen! Ha!"
Lady Une's scythe swung. Relena shielded herself with the contract, which began to glow, but wasn't harmed in any way.
"You see. I told you. Your son gets turned into seaweed and Heero will finally be mine." She cocked an eyebrow. "Unless you take Duo's place."
Lady Une snorted. "I fail to see how that would improve the situation in any way."
Relena's expression turned puzzled and her grip slackened a bit. "Well, for starters, your precious son wouldn't become a common household plant."
"So, I cut him loose," the queen deadpanned. "I have six other children capable of taking his place."
"Mo~om, how could you?" Duo protested, only giving the conversation half of his attention. The Sea Hag had loosened her grip enough that he could break free if given a distraction.
"But, don't you love your little Duo-Wuo? He is your favorite child, isn't he?" Relena was still clearly confused.
The merman had made a gagging noise at the nickname, but failed to respond otherwise. Where the hell had Relena gotten that idea? His mother hated him.
"He is," the queen admitted, "But that does not excuse the fact that he got himself into this situation. I will not bail him out. I will bargain for Prince Heero Yuy's freedom, however."
"Prince Yuy?" repeated Relena, eyes shifting in calculation.
"My life for Heero's freedom. This is a limited time offer. Going once."
Relena released Duo to grasp both sides of her head. "Her life for Heero... Is there a downside to this?"
"Going twice."
"Mom, this doesn't seem like a very good idea."
With Lady Une out of the way the ocean would be hers. Everything would be hers. "I agree!"
A light shot from the tip of the Sea Scythe to rewrite the name Duo Triton to Anne Une Triton.
"Yes!" cried Relena, zapping the former queen's guard and then shrinking Lady Une down into the form of a grotesque seaweed being. The only thing remaining of the queen was her coronet and the Sea Scythe. The Sea Hag quickly snapped these up, placing the crown on her head and giggling maniacally.
"Yeeesss!" she repeated, her gaze falling onto the ex-prince. "Now, it's time for you to die."
"Not if I can help it." A gundam appeared from out of nowhere, slapping Relena to the side.
Duo blinked twice. It was Nataku, but the voice of the pilot wasn't Wufei's. It was Heero's. Joy that Heero had come to rescue him warred with concern over Heero's well being. Relena had the Sea Scythe and Duo had seen first hand how much damage it could do to even a gundanium-alloy mobile suit. "Heero! Get out of here! She's got-"
A hand enveloped his mouth, but he latched onto the offending arm and flipped his assailant over his shoulder. It was eel-girl Catherine.
"Don't you touch her!" cried Hilde, slamming into Duo's side.
"Hey, she touched me and I've no qualms over a little self-defense."
"Fools." The voice came from the center of the cloud and seemed to be moving toward the surface. "Idiots. Morons. You dare to defy me?"
"Yeah, that was the idea." Heero focus was pulled to the speaker. Duo. He had managed to down both of the eels and was glaring defiantly at the ink cloud.
The tip of something big and gold broke through the edge of the cloud. "Oi, shit, Heero. I think our problem just got a lot bigger."
Duo was right. The big, gold thing was the tip of Relena's crown and her head was now clearing the cloud.
"You forget, you little brat. I'm your problem, not his." She thrust the Scythe at Duo.
It was caught by Nataku. "No, you forget that I am yours."
Relena's huge hand caressed Nataku's head. "And I am yours, love, but first we have to get rid of that brat." She shifted to move, but Nataku held her firm.
"Stop misinterpreting me and stay the hell away from Duo. He's mine." He yanked the Scythe out of her grasp, flipped it around and sliced her in two. The two sides of the body poofed into dust.
"Duo?" He caressed the side of the beautiful boy's face. "Duo, talk to me. I like the sound of your voice."
"I assume, you know the traditional means of waking a sleeping princess."
Heero whipped around to the source of the comment. The Chinese owner of Nataku was perched comfortably on the shoulder of the Gundam. "Where did you come from?"
He smirked, crossing his arms. "Do you or don't you know how to wake a sleeping princess?"
Heero passed his focus over Duo's sleeping face once more and frowned. "Duo's not a princess."
"The principal is the same, Yuy. A kiss of true love is a kiss of true love."
The prince felt his skin burn. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes, you do," snorted the Chinaman.
"Hn." The skin beneath his fingers was cool to the touch. Were merpeople cold-blooded like their fish counterparts or were they warm-blooded like their human? "He's cold."
"Then, what are you waiting for? I am sure a kiss from you would warm his blood." Heero closed his eyes, blocking out all distraction. If this was the only way...
"Stop lying to yourself. You want to kiss him." The Chinese youth was voicing every twinge of the truth in Heero's mind.
Heero looked at his conscience. "What? Do you want to watch?"
The boy smirked again. "That was the plan."
He turned back to the sleeping angel. Great. Now, he had an audience.
But, back on the barge, he also had an audience and that wouldn't have stopped him from kissing the braided beauty. It wasn't going to stop him now.
"Duo," he whispered. "Please, wake up." He pressed against those chilly lips in a chaste kiss and then leaned back to watch for any sign of stirring. Long lashes fluttered open and a smile spread from mouth to eyes.
"Heero," Duo breathed. "Before I wake up, I just want to say that I love you."
Heero smiled and lightly kissed Duo again. "I love you, too, Duo and you're not asleep."
"I'm not?" The confounded look on Duo's face was quite possibly the most adorable expression, Heero had ever witnessed.
"No."
"Waitaminnit..." The confusion morphed into joy. "You do?"
Heero nodded. "Ah."
Duo wrapped his arms about Heero's middle. "I love you too!"
Heero returned the tight embrace, hugging Duo's head and petting his hair until he was shoved rudely away. The braided boy held him at arm length, frowning and staring at a point far below the surface of the water.
"Duo?" Heero tilted Duo's chin up until he could gaze into those gemstone eyes. Moisture sparkled at each corner. "What's wrong?"
"I have a fin," moaned the merman.
"So?"
"So? So? Whaddya mean so?"
"So what? You have a fin. Big deal. I have arms. Get over it." Heero worked Duo's hands off his arms and moved in closer.
Duo bit his lower lip. "And my mother hates you."
"One rarely gets along with his in-laws. I think I can manage."
"But-"
"Quit the melodrama and ask your mother to change you back into a human, Maxwell."
Duo grabbed Heero, peeking over his shoulder. "Wufei? What are you doing here?"
"That's what I'd like to know," mumbled the human.
"And what are you talking about?"
Wufei leapt down landing behind the couple and searching the waters below. "Well, Your Majesty?"
The merman clawed to the edge of the mobile suit's hand and Heero quickly joined him. Below, several dozen merpeople and various sea creatures were gathered, watching. In the very center was noble looking mermaid. She was wearing the coronet and held the Scythe from the earlier battle.
"Mom, you're okay!" Duo called out, leaning further over the edge.
The noble mermaid nodded. "As your friend has informed you, I can make you human. Is this what you want? You will never be able to return to the sea."
"Yes," he replied without regret. "I do."
"Good," stated the queen, smiling for the first time in Duo's life. She pointed the Scythe at Duo and in a warm glow his fin transformed into legs. "Then, I wish you happiness for eternity."
"And a day," contributed Quatre in a shout.
A white trench coat flopped down onto the merman made human. "Cover yourself, Maxwell. It is disgraceful to run about unclothed."
The braided boy beamed at Wufei. "Thank you, 'Fei."
"I will be around. I am not a seagull, after all." With that he stepped off the mobile suit, falling into the ocean, but there was no splash.
Both boys craned over the edge to find out what had happened to the Chinaman, only to discover they were alone one the sea.
"Are all merpeople this curt?"
"Nah. Just my family," said Duo with a grin.
"There's one good thing about them leaving." Heero had a peculiar look in his deep blue eyes.
"What's that?" asked Duo warily, unsure of that strange glint.
"Now," he folded Duo into his arms, "I can kiss you without the audience."
"Oh." Duo's brain went to mush. "I'd like that."
"Me too." Their mouths pressed together in a passionate embrace.
"Heero!"
They ignored the cry and any other calls that came after. They even managed to neglect the lollipop that was shoved forcefully into their hands.
"Puuun."
The End