Disclaimer: Many organizations have come together to bring you this fanficiton fusion. Among them are: Bandai, Sunrise & Sotsu with Gundam Wing. Hans Christian Andersen and Disney with The Little Mermaid. Douglas Adams with A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Hiro Mashima, Kodansha and TOKYOPOP with Rave Master. PIXAR with Finding Nemo. Satoru Akahori, Ray Omishi, Media Works, Mixx Entertainment & ADV with Sorcerer Hunters. ROBOT, JFN, STEP, A.T. Interactive, AIC & VIZ Video with Trouble Chocolate. Rikdo Koshi, SHONENGAHOSHA & ADV with Excel Saga. You Hyun, DAIWAN & TOKYOPOP with Faerie's Landing. Yoko Matsushita, Hakusensha & VIZ for Yami no Matsuei. Kazuya Minekura, ISSAISHA, TOKYOPOP Inc., & ADV with Saiyuki. Yuu Watase, SHOGAKUKAN, VIZ & Pioneer with Fushigi Yuugi. 95.5 fm Detroit for Tic Tac and the Hot Girl Check In. And Ladybug Oblivion for forcing the project on me, denying me TV time, video game time, eating time (apparently I can type with one hand) and sleeping time until the thing was finished.
Warnings: Gratuitous cameo appearances (as you can see from the extensive disclaimer), numerous (and quite unnecessary) quotes, and minor character bashing (including but not limited to Quatre, Catherine, Hilde and most especially Relena.) Shonen-ai.
"Good God, Dorothy!" exclaimed a sandy-haired woman sitting across the table from Heero. "What have you done to the poor boy? You've groomed him to within an inch of his life."
"I've prepared him for dinner with His Highness as I was instructed." She flipped a lock of hair out of her face and then sneered at Duo's exposed toes. "But it seems shoes are optional."
"I said dinner with his highness, not dinner with the court. Can you even breathe in all that, Mr. Maxwell?"
Duo jumped at the opportunity to free himself of some layers by fanning himself dramatically and tugging at his collar. To his great relief, and no small amount of amusement, the woman hopped out of her seat immediately.
"Sally." The woman turned back to the quiet voice. "He looks fine."
"I think the word you're looking for is 'outstanding,' Heero and I agree, but we're just eating." The woman hid a hand gesture behind her back, indicating that Duo should take a seat. He almost nodded assent, but then remembered she was being coy for some reason and turned the nod into his hand to fluff his bangs.
"That isn't what I meant," replied Heero, his eyes flicking to Duo before settling on Sally again. "I meant that he'll survive."
"Of course he'll survive, but who'd want to in all that wool." Her hand began spasming more urgently, waving vaguely in the direction of the chair next to the human prince. "It's, like, eighty-five degrees in here."
Duo jumped into action. Grinning, he pounded Sally on the back and then brushed past her to flop in the chair on Heero's left. He gingerly scooted the chair in, gingerly because he'd fallen on his ass earlier trying to perfect the oh so easy looking technique. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation. {Let's eat! I'm starvin'!}
"Good God, Dorothy!" Sally's cry had successfully wrenched Heero out of his musings. "What did you do to the poor boy? You've groomed him to within an inch of his life."
"I've prepared him for dinner with His Highness as I was instructed." Indeed, she did. Heero made a mental note to increase the girl's salary and move her to the Embassy Wing. She was being wasted on the local nobles. "But it seems shoes are optional."
"I said dinner with his highness, not dinner with the court. Can you even breathe in all that, Mr. Maxwell?"
The boy made a fine show of his discomfort, but underneath it all there was still a happy glow to his eyes. Heero was about to tell him to knock off the act and sit down, but his advisor had already set a bee-line for the poor little suffering boy. "Sally, he looks fine."
She gave him the biggest grin he'd ever seen. "I think the word you're looking for is 'outstanding,' Heero and I agree, but we're just eating."
He actually had to make an effort to keep his cheeks from glowing. "That isn't what I meant." Did that sound too defensive? He couldn't avoid stealing a glance at Duo. The boy was brushing some hair out of his eyes and Heero found himself wondering if the cocoa-colored locks smelled as good as they looked. He ripped his gaze away. "I meant that he'll survive."
"Of course he'll survive, but who'd want to in all that wool. It's, like, eighty-five degrees in here."
He didn't care about the temperature. He just wanted Duo to sit down so he could stop staring at the boy like an infatuated puppy and potentially save himself from the embarrassment of drooling all over himself.
Duo patted Sally on the back and slid into the chair next to Heero, several strands of that delicious hair grazing Heero's arm as he scooted his chair in. {Let's eat! I'm starvin'!}
"Who's on KP duty?" Heero asked to distract himself from the dark beauty next to him.
"Dunno." The woman unfolded her napkin and placed it in her lap. "Hisoka was on last night and Tatsumi was the night before. Konoe, maybe."
{KP duty? Don't ya have a cook?}
"The cook's on maternity leave," he explained, pointedly focusing on his empty wineglass. "Her first apprentice is visiting his sick mother and her second ran off to elope with her boyfriend some time ago. So, now we all take turns."
{Even you?} Amusement glittered in his expression.
The real problem with reading lips was the whole "reading" aspect of it. The fact that Heero was obligated to look at Duo only sufficed to justify his aching need to stare. "No, not after the first time."
"Sausage," provided an enthusiastic Sally. "Everything Heero cooks tastes like sausage. He even managed to make the tea taste like it and I'm not talkin' the nice patty sausage either. I'm talkin' the links that have been left out until the grease starts to coagulate sausage. It was disgusting. The only one who cooks worse than Heero is-"
"It's dinner time!" chimed a happy voice. "Who wants some yum-yums?"
Oh, dear god, moaned Heero silently. Not-
"Tsuzuki!?!"
"Tsuzuki," repeated Sally in a much more sedate tone, "You've got KP tonight?"
"Of course. I hope your bellies are a-rumbling 'cause I've got just the thing to make them sing," the man sang as he placed the tray on the table.
Thing to make them sing! Yeah, baby! Bring on the grub!
"But, weren't you taken off the rotation?"
"Yeah," he agreed with a smile, "But I wanted to cook for his highness' new friend. It's a special night and I wanted the food to reflect that. So, voila!" He removed the silver dome with a flourish. "Stuffed crab! I found the recipe in a magazine."
Stuffed crab?! What kind of barbarian would eat a poor defenseless crab?! Aaah!
"Whatever you do," whispered a quiet voice, "Don't eat anything."
That wasn't damned likely considering the menu, but Duo still wondered about that statement. He turned to Heero and it was as if the prince hadn't said a word. Heero's focus was solely on the cook.
"I'm not eating anything that you've cooked Tsuzuki and I'm certainly not feeding it to a guest. Are you crazy?"
"Aww." Tsuzuki had sprouted puppy dog ears and wagged his formerly non-existent tail. "But I followed the recipe exactly," he whined.
"Tsuzuki?" Heero waved the cook over to him. "There's an apple pie in the left refrigerator. Bring that out and we'll split it with you."
"Really?" The man sprung a fountain of tears. "You will?" Heero nodded. Tsuzuki held a moment of silence and then ran off to the kitchen.
As soon as he was out of site, Heero jumped up, snatched up the tray of crab delights and bolted out of the room. He was back in less than a minute, empty handed.
Tsuzuki was back in less than three, apple pie brandished like a beacon of hope. Heero cut the pie in quarters and served everyone.
Duo poked at the confection with his eating utensil. It didn't look like fish. He really, really hoped it wasn't fish, 'cause he was almost hungry enough to eat it anyway. He gave it a sniff and it didn't smell like fish either. Oh, well. Down the hatch.
It was positively the most sinful thing he'd ever tasted. It was sweet and bitter and had a pleasant spiced texture. If it was fish, Duo would be tempted to convert to cannibalism rather than suffer never tasting it again. He dropped the utensil and shoved the pie whole into his mouth, saturating his tongue with the flavor sensation.
"Um... Mr. Maxwell? Would you like a napkin?"
Heero watched his hand tangle into the chocolate-flavored tresses, so smooth, so soft, so...
{Heero.} Duo's breath teased a chill down Heero's neck.
Heero started, releasing Duo and pulling away. What was he doing? "Sorry, you had a little in your..." He glanced around and realized that Sally and Tsuzuki were gone. He was alone with Duo.
Duo breathed along Heero's neck again and leaned forward just enough to allow some of those tempting locks to spill over his shoulder. Heero's gaze was fixed on those locks. He reached out to embrace them and then brought a handful up to his face. It was scented with sea salt, but below that was the aroma of something bittersweet, not exactly the cocoa he'd imagined, but something akin to it. "Duo," he breathed into the scent.
Duo placed a guiding hand under Heero's chin, mildly forcing Heero to look at him. {Heero, I-} He leaned in and Heero closed his eyes.
"Your Highness?" Heero jolted to his feet, spinning toward the messenger. "There's a woman here to see you. She says it's urgent."